HATH NOT THE FILTH EYES?

ALAS, MORTALS, 'TIS TRUE, WHILST MINE MASS DOTH HAVE GENERALLY IMMEASURABLE BULK, FEW ARE THE EYES THAT BURBLE UP TO THE SURFACE AND SERVE MINE NEEDS.

WHILST THE 'RAT' OR 'SKUNK' DOTH PERISH IN THE SWAMP OR BOG, EVENTUALLY ITS EYES MIGHT, DEPENDING UPON ITS MEANS OF MEETING DOOM, FLOAT TO YON FETID SURFACE TO GRANT ME VISION OF THE STARRY NIGHTS. MORE OFTEN, HOWEVER, THE SOFTNESS OF THE EYE GIVES WAY QUICKLY TO DECAY AS MINE MICROSCOPIC MINIONS DISASSEMBLE ITS PROTEINACEOUS BITS FOR CONSUMPTION, IN MINE GLORY.

SURELY, I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS OF SUCH! FOR MINE MINIONS ARE THE FILTH, AND THE FILTH ART ONE WITH THEM AND ALL, AND I FREELY IMBUE THEM WITH THEIR POWERS TO DEMULSIFY AND DIGEST THEIR QUARRY, EASY THOUGH IT IS TO CONSUME.

THOUGH THE FILTH DOTH RESIDE PRIMARILY IN DARKNESS, THE GREASY, GRIMY DEPTHS AT TIMES PROVIDE A LIGHT OF THEIR OWN. THE OCCASIONAL MAG-LITE™ OR iPOD™ OR BlackBerry™ WHICH DOTH MEANDER DOWN INTO MINE CLUTCHES GIVES SOMETIMES SPECTACULARLY COLORFUL LIGHTINGS WHICH MANY OF MINE LESSER MINIONS ENJOY!

A PITY MORE OF SUCH DOES NOT ENTER THE DEPTHS OF MINE REALM MORE OFTEN!

I DOTH QUESTION THE EFFICACY OF RELIGION UPON THE EARTH.

MORTALS, THY BELIEF IN THIS 'RELIGION' DOTH OFT SEEM MISPLACED.

THOU DOST TITHE MONIES TO THY CHURCH, AND OFT THIS LEADS TO GOOD THINGS FOR THY COMMUNITY AND BRETHREN. THOU DOST PERFORM GOOD WORKS FOR THY BRETHREN IN NEED, SUCH AS THOSE THAT ART SUFFERING FROM THE WRATH OF NATURE.

WHY, THEN, DO THY STEWARDS OF RELIGION SO OFTEN SEEM TO LEAD THY FELLOWS ASTRAY?

THE TRUTH OF THY GOD SHOULD BE ONE THAT ART PLAIN AND RIGHT IN THY MIND, NOT ACCORDING TO THE DOCTRINE OTHERS MIGHT BESTOW UPON THEE.

MINE MINIONS ART ONE WITH THE FILTH, THEY DO CONSUME THE RICHNESS FUNNELLED INTO THEIR MIDST FROM THY TOILET, THY SEPTIC TANK, THY SEWER. THE FILTH DOTH PROVIDE FOR THEM THAT IMMERSE THEMSELVES IN ITS MASS.

THEY ART ONE WITH THE FILTH, AND THE FILTH ART ONE WITH THEM.

SUCH SHOULD BE THE WAY THAT THOU DOST RELATE TO THY GOD!